Proverbs or Zarbol Masals
A Proverb (in Persian: Goftaar-e-Kheradmandaaneh or Zarbolmassal), derived from the Latin term of Proverbium, is a short sentence, usually known by many people, expressing something commonly experienced, or giving advice. Proverbs are part of every spoken language and folk literature, originating in oral tradition. One proverb may be completely similar in different languages and cultures. Most proverbs express some basic truth or practical precept. The study of proverbs is called Paremiology. Proverbs are as a part of the Iranian culture and everyday speech, and their understanding can lead to a more profound insight into language and culture. These proverbs always had a strong affinity with Persian Poetry and Literature, and have retained a symbiotic relationship with those arts over a long period of time.
FIRST CONTRIBUTERS TO THE COLLECTIONS OF PERSIAN PROVERBS:
Ferdowsi (935-1020), the first Iranian poet of national epics, is also known undoubtedly to be the first Iranian who professionally introduced many proverbs in his Epic Book of Shahnameh. Asadi Tusi (died in 1072)with book of Garshaspnameh and his Persian Dictionary of Asadi , Iraj Mirza (1874-1926), Ali Akbar-e-Dehkhoda (1879-1959) with Proverbs and Mottos (in Persian: Amssaal-o-Hekam)in four volumes, Amirgholi Amini with Farhang-e-Avaam, Mehdi Partovi Amoli with Risheh-haa-ye-Tarikhi Amssal-o-Hekam are only a few of poets and journalism who worked on Iranian proverbs.
Here are few examples of PERSIAN PROVERBS translated to English:
1. It is better to be in chains with friends, than to be in a garden with strangers.
2.A broken hand works, but not a broken heart.
3. An egg thief becomes a camel thief.
4. He who has been bitten by a snake fears a piece of string.
5. He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.
6. In the ants' house the dew is a flood.
7.The larger a man's roof the more snow it collects.
8.Do not cut down the tree that gives you shade.
9.A bad wound heals but a bad word does not.
10.When the cat and the mouse agree, the store manager is broke.
11.Treat your superior as a father, your equal as a brother, and your inferior as a son.
12.One who has wisdom is powerful.
13. Spilled water cannot be gathered again.
14.A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend.
15.The world is a rose. Smell it, and pass it to your friends.
By Manouchehr Saadat Noury - Persian Journal
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The Stages of Immigration
The stages of immigration have been extensively written about the culture shock which occurs after immigration. This culture shock follows on directly as a result of changes which occur to one's value systems - to the new ideas in one's new country.
1. Honeymoon Phase.
Most people begin with great expectations and a positive mind-set. There is excitement, new sights, new smells, new tastes and the early problems are experienced as quaint - as part of the newness - anything new is intriguing and exciting. And, anyway, there are more pressing problems to deal with, like opening bank accounts, getting drivers licences, finding schools, doctors, dentists, gynaecologists. These are usually handled with the accompanying euphoria of having overcome each of these first hurdles successfully.
2. Rejection Phase.
The honeymoon phase comes to an end as the newcomer has to deal with transportation problems (buses that don't come on time), shopping problems (can't buy their favourite foods or soaps or whatever) or communication problems (What does "See ya' later"/'No worries mate' really mean?). Little things come up but it may start to seem like people somehow no longer care about your problems. They may help, but they don't seem to understand your concern over what they see as small problems. You might even start to think that the people in your new country don't like newcomers and often you may begin to feel aggressive and start to complain about the new culture/country - 'Canadians are ' ', or 'The system is ''. It is important to recognize that these feelings are real and can become acute. This phase is a crisis phase in the 'disease' of culture shock and is called the "rejection" phase precisely because it is at this point that the newcomer starts to reject the host country, complaining about and noticing only the bad things that bother them. At this stage the newcomer either gets stronger and stays, or gets weaker and goes home (physically, mentally or both)
3. Regression Phase.
If you have struggled with phase 2, you may find yourself moving into regression - moving backward - and in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving in social circles which are exclusively made up of people from your own background and you don't want to meet locals. You may spend most of this time complaining about the new country/culture and its strange and senseless ways. Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country which may suddenly seem marvellously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left. You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock crisis.
4. Recovery Phase or At-Ease-At-Last Phase:
If you survive the third stage successfully, you will move into the fourth stage of culture shock. In this stage you become more comfortable with the language and you also feel more comfortable with the customs of your new country. You can now move around without a feeling of anxiety. You still have problems with some of the social cues and you may still not understand everything people say (especially idioms) or do. However, you are now much better adjusted to the new culture and you start to realize that no country is that much better than another - it is just different lifestyles and different ways to deal with the problems of life. With this new adjustment, you accept the food, drinks, habits and customs of the new country, and you may even find yourself preferring some things in the new country, to things at home. You have now understood that there are different ways to live your life and that no way is really better than another, just different. Finally, you have become comfortable in the new place - it's not so bad. Most importantly, your sense of humour will have returned and you find you are able to look at yourself and laugh.
5. Reverse Culture Shock or Return Culture Shock
This occurs when you return home after a long stay abroad and does not concern us here.
Generally speaking, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences all the phases of culture shock. In addition, you can experience all of them at different times: you might experience the regression phase before the rejection phase, etc. You might even experience the regression phase on Monday, the at-ease phase on Tuesday, the honeymoon phase on Wednesday, and the rejection phase again on Thursday. What will Friday be like?
Another interesting thing about culture shock is that there are routinely not one but two low points, and even more interestingly, they will accommodate themselves to the amount of time you intend to spend in the host country - are you a visitor or an immigrant? How long will culture shock last? That varies depending upon where you came from, how different the cultures are, your support systems and so on, but it also depends to some extent on you and your resiliency. You can expect a let-up after the first dip, but be prepared for the second downturn which may or may not occur.
From: lossesintranslation.com
The stages of immigration have been extensively written about the culture shock which occurs after immigration. This culture shock follows on directly as a result of changes which occur to one's value systems - to the new ideas in one's new country.
1. Honeymoon Phase.
Most people begin with great expectations and a positive mind-set. There is excitement, new sights, new smells, new tastes and the early problems are experienced as quaint - as part of the newness - anything new is intriguing and exciting. And, anyway, there are more pressing problems to deal with, like opening bank accounts, getting drivers licences, finding schools, doctors, dentists, gynaecologists. These are usually handled with the accompanying euphoria of having overcome each of these first hurdles successfully.
2. Rejection Phase.
The honeymoon phase comes to an end as the newcomer has to deal with transportation problems (buses that don't come on time), shopping problems (can't buy their favourite foods or soaps or whatever) or communication problems (What does "See ya' later"/'No worries mate' really mean?). Little things come up but it may start to seem like people somehow no longer care about your problems. They may help, but they don't seem to understand your concern over what they see as small problems. You might even start to think that the people in your new country don't like newcomers and often you may begin to feel aggressive and start to complain about the new culture/country - 'Canadians are ' ', or 'The system is ''. It is important to recognize that these feelings are real and can become acute. This phase is a crisis phase in the 'disease' of culture shock and is called the "rejection" phase precisely because it is at this point that the newcomer starts to reject the host country, complaining about and noticing only the bad things that bother them. At this stage the newcomer either gets stronger and stays, or gets weaker and goes home (physically, mentally or both)
3. Regression Phase.
If you have struggled with phase 2, you may find yourself moving into regression - moving backward - and in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving in social circles which are exclusively made up of people from your own background and you don't want to meet locals. You may spend most of this time complaining about the new country/culture and its strange and senseless ways. Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country which may suddenly seem marvellously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left. You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock crisis.
4. Recovery Phase or At-Ease-At-Last Phase:
If you survive the third stage successfully, you will move into the fourth stage of culture shock. In this stage you become more comfortable with the language and you also feel more comfortable with the customs of your new country. You can now move around without a feeling of anxiety. You still have problems with some of the social cues and you may still not understand everything people say (especially idioms) or do. However, you are now much better adjusted to the new culture and you start to realize that no country is that much better than another - it is just different lifestyles and different ways to deal with the problems of life. With this new adjustment, you accept the food, drinks, habits and customs of the new country, and you may even find yourself preferring some things in the new country, to things at home. You have now understood that there are different ways to live your life and that no way is really better than another, just different. Finally, you have become comfortable in the new place - it's not so bad. Most importantly, your sense of humour will have returned and you find you are able to look at yourself and laugh.
5. Reverse Culture Shock or Return Culture Shock
This occurs when you return home after a long stay abroad and does not concern us here.
Generally speaking, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences all the phases of culture shock. In addition, you can experience all of them at different times: you might experience the regression phase before the rejection phase, etc. You might even experience the regression phase on Monday, the at-ease phase on Tuesday, the honeymoon phase on Wednesday, and the rejection phase again on Thursday. What will Friday be like?
Another interesting thing about culture shock is that there are routinely not one but two low points, and even more interestingly, they will accommodate themselves to the amount of time you intend to spend in the host country - are you a visitor or an immigrant? How long will culture shock last? That varies depending upon where you came from, how different the cultures are, your support systems and so on, but it also depends to some extent on you and your resiliency. You can expect a let-up after the first dip, but be prepared for the second downturn which may or may not occur.
From: lossesintranslation.com
Friday, June 13, 2008
Niloufar Hosseini
Niloofar Hosseini started writing poetry when she was eight. At the age of 11, she started entering different children and teenage poetry contest and won different prizes. At 17, she came to Canada with her family. After graduating from high school, she started writing different styles of poetry that she had not tried before. Currently, she holds a diploma in Architectural and Building Engineering from BCIT, where she is studying towards a Bachelors degree in Construction Management. You can visit her website at http://www.neeloofar.com
Monday, May 12, 2008
About Moulaana Maulaana Jalalludin Balkhi was born in 1207 in Balkh, Mazar-i-Sharif. His name was Jalalludin Mohammad. Even though he was born in Afghanistan, in Turkey and ancient Rome he was known as 'Rumi' meaning "from Rome".
In the wake of Mongolian attacks his family moved to Anatolia, Turkey. He known mostly as Maulaana Jalalludin Balkhi in Afghanistan but in Turkey, to oppose his birthplace claims, Turkey is claiming that Jalalludin Balkhi is from Turkey and not Afghanistan. It is true that the far northern part of Afghanistan's area where he was born was known as Turkistan one time but to conclude he was an Afghan to the end.
Jalalludin Balkhi had great influence on people around the world from his great works. His father was his first teacher. He was however greatly impressed by Shams Tebriz, whose shrine is close to Maulana Jalalludin Balkh's shrine. Maulana traveled far and wide, however, after the Mongolian invasion of Afghanistan, Konya, Turkey remained his permanent settlement till his death on December 17, 1273. His mausoleum exists in the garden presented to his father by a king of the time.
In his life time, Maulana did not organize his followers and impose any rules which were to be followed. It was only after his death that his son, Sultan Walid established a school for his followers and wrote books in order to prevent the break-up of the believers. His works include Fih-i-ma-Fih, Diwan-i-Kabir, Mecalis-i-Seba, Rubalier, Mektubat and Menewi. His work is mainly on the universal meaning of Islam and the soul.
Jalalludin Balkhi had great influence on people around the world from his great works. His father was his first teacher. He was however greatly impressed by Shams Tebriz, whose shrine is close to Maulana Jalalludin Balkh's shrine. Maulana traveled far and wide, however, after the Mongolian invasion of Afghanistan, Konya, Turkey remained his permanent settlement till his death on December 17, 1273. His mausoleum exists in the garden presented to his father by a king of the time.
In his life time, Maulana did not organize his followers and impose any rules which were to be followed. It was only after his death that his son, Sultan Walid established a school for his followers and wrote books in order to prevent the break-up of the believers. His works include Fih-i-ma-Fih, Diwan-i-Kabir, Mecalis-i-Seba, Rubalier, Mektubat and Menewi. His work is mainly on the universal meaning of Islam and the soul.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Happy Mothers Day
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will, but that's O.K."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?" GOD answered.
"When I made woman, I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without complaining....
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears.... I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and ! it is her only weakness.... When you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special!
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
Love your Mother Always
and keep her Smiling
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will, but that's O.K."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?" GOD answered.
"When I made woman, I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without complaining....
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears.... I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and ! it is her only weakness.... When you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special!
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
Love your Mother Always
and keep her Smiling
Friday, May 2, 2008
LOVE ONE ANOTHER/ JOBRAN KHALIL JOBRAN
Love one another,
but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup,
but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread,
but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though
they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts,
but not into each other's keeping;
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup,
but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread,
but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though
they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts,
but not into each other's keeping;
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Poran Poreghbal
Trust or Mistrust
A Canadian friend asked me why Iranian men are suspicious of their wives? I said: “not all of them acting this way.” This woman being a psychologist added: “Most of those men come to my office; they are all concerned that their wives would cheat on them.” We discussed whether being suspicious is a psychological problem among these men. I thought of all these women who through the years have told me about their husbands acting this way. I also thought of all women who fear their husband would find a mistress, an act which is easy in our home country and also elsewhere. I thought of the level of fear that brings in negativity and fight.
After thinking more, I thought, this is really true, Iranian men in general are very much afraid that their women would cheat on them, while some of these men are the number one cheaters! Now thinking more, all the couples I have met as a counsellor also have had issues where the man is accusing the wife of “being loose” or “wanting to date others.”
I should now raise the question: Why Iranian men are suspicious of their wives? What is about the notion of trust and mistrust that our suspicious men and women are missing? While there is no real statistic is this area, we can only go with our experiences and observations. In addition, I would remind us of a common sense that when most men are suspicious then, there must be reason in the way of upbringing of these men. Development of trust in early childhood is a psychological argument that we (Iranian) have not heard of in a real scientific way. Erik Erikson and John Bowlby (both psychologists) emphasis the relationship between child and caregiver as the most important element for a child to develop trust and self-concept.
Now I would not make a psychological analysis of how these men may or may not have developed that sense of trust to the “self.” I just want to raise awareness about the big picture. We shall look at the cultural form of this (in my idea) “illness.”
We should realize that Iranian women have always throughout the history faced false accusations of adultery and infidelity. Every time a woman talks about own rights or own needs, she would be accused of thinking about other men! Even if a woman wants to leave her relationship she should have the freedom to do so. However in cases of divorce, Iranian men (most of them) always ridicule the woman for wanting to “find another husband.” Unfortunately some Iranian men in order to maintain their control over women do not hesitate of accusing, threatening, and harassing their women, special if these women complain about anything. If a woman asks for divorce some of these men would then try to hurt woman by accusing her of infidelity, dishonesty and affairs. Why do our men behave like this? Why do our men (some of them) need to be this much in control? I do want to acknowledge that women also can be quite jealous of their husbands and whoever interacts with them. We Iranian have many internal ways of suffering: not trusting anyone, acting suspicious, and jealousy is one of the most painful ones. Many individuals, families, and communities get hurt because of the complications of not having communication about what is right and wrong. When there is no trust in a family there is no hope for building. Being suspicious of our partner takes away the energy for living a healthy life. Now what is really going on with our men and women, who always fear the other one would cheat?
It is no rumor anymore that a number of men in Iran are having affairs with several women at the same time, while having a public family life to cover things up. We hear stories here and there while many of those women have started to talk. The question is who are these women and how they get involved with married men? These are usually women who seek financial support and also emotional connection which they can not find else where. These men use women as sex slaves, as an extra resource while they have quite harsh, rigid, and hard standards for their own daughters: “no dating boys.” So if a man cheats he would then be suspicious to all women. The issue of infidelity need also a big space to analyze, why we just point out that this is a social issue based on low morals and low family values. When thinking about the notion of distrust among some men and also women, I came to think about all those women who stay in their relationships despite many obstacles, struggles and hardship. Most of these women try to work things out, even though they know their marriage is an ill fated one.
Lies and deception are always signs of low moral, lack of respect for others, and anxiety. With lying to someone we just increase disappointments in our relationship. Lying is an unhealthy defence mechanism that we use to save ourselves in a situation. If our relationship is in trouble we better take care of it and solve the issue whether the outcome is not what we want.
Once we jump from one relationship to another in order to rescue our low self-esteem, then we are in danger of not emotionally invest in any relationship at all. If some men are more suspicious of their wives than others, it must be pertinent to the upbringing of these men and also the type of unhealthy relationship they have gotten into. In a man oriented and men controlled society as our home country, it is no strange thing that men are suspicious of their wives, these men know how other men like themselves behave and think! A client once said that her husband always reminds her: “I know how Iranian men think.”
In any case, having suspicious thoughts are unhealthy. These thoughts lead the person to unwanted anxiety, stress, anger, distraction, mental health issues and unhappy moments. What can these men and women do? They should seek help, talk about the issue, and deal with the thought in a healthy way.
If your wife/husband/ woman/man/boyfriend or girlfriend is dishonest, there is a reason for that. Either leave or stay while dealing with the issue in a healthy way. What do I mean with healthy way? I mean seek advice, discuss, talk, and think while controlling your emotions. Obviously trust is a huge building block for every relationship, if we do not trust the other person in our life, how could we live a life together?
Being suspicious to everything in life, that is a disease. If we constantly believe that other people would betray us, lie to us, or destroy us, then we are not living a very healthy life. If we do not trust others we can not have a normal interaction with others and we can not live a social life. If we always think that our partner will cheat on us, then we can not be self-confident and happy. I believe both men and women can suffer from this disease, the illness of being doubtful of everything and anything. If we want to learn more about the notion of trust vs. distrust, we have to check into many other areas of psychology such as personality development and developmental stages. The socio-economic and also socio-cultural factors are also important aspects of developing this illness in our men and women.
For now, we should say: Do not get involve in the cycle of suspicious thoughts and unhealthy behaviours. Seek help!
January 4, 2008
www.middlepeace.com
A Canadian friend asked me why Iranian men are suspicious of their wives? I said: “not all of them acting this way.” This woman being a psychologist added: “Most of those men come to my office; they are all concerned that their wives would cheat on them.” We discussed whether being suspicious is a psychological problem among these men. I thought of all these women who through the years have told me about their husbands acting this way. I also thought of all women who fear their husband would find a mistress, an act which is easy in our home country and also elsewhere. I thought of the level of fear that brings in negativity and fight.
After thinking more, I thought, this is really true, Iranian men in general are very much afraid that their women would cheat on them, while some of these men are the number one cheaters! Now thinking more, all the couples I have met as a counsellor also have had issues where the man is accusing the wife of “being loose” or “wanting to date others.”
I should now raise the question: Why Iranian men are suspicious of their wives? What is about the notion of trust and mistrust that our suspicious men and women are missing? While there is no real statistic is this area, we can only go with our experiences and observations. In addition, I would remind us of a common sense that when most men are suspicious then, there must be reason in the way of upbringing of these men. Development of trust in early childhood is a psychological argument that we (Iranian) have not heard of in a real scientific way. Erik Erikson and John Bowlby (both psychologists) emphasis the relationship between child and caregiver as the most important element for a child to develop trust and self-concept.
Now I would not make a psychological analysis of how these men may or may not have developed that sense of trust to the “self.” I just want to raise awareness about the big picture. We shall look at the cultural form of this (in my idea) “illness.”
We should realize that Iranian women have always throughout the history faced false accusations of adultery and infidelity. Every time a woman talks about own rights or own needs, she would be accused of thinking about other men! Even if a woman wants to leave her relationship she should have the freedom to do so. However in cases of divorce, Iranian men (most of them) always ridicule the woman for wanting to “find another husband.” Unfortunately some Iranian men in order to maintain their control over women do not hesitate of accusing, threatening, and harassing their women, special if these women complain about anything. If a woman asks for divorce some of these men would then try to hurt woman by accusing her of infidelity, dishonesty and affairs. Why do our men behave like this? Why do our men (some of them) need to be this much in control? I do want to acknowledge that women also can be quite jealous of their husbands and whoever interacts with them. We Iranian have many internal ways of suffering: not trusting anyone, acting suspicious, and jealousy is one of the most painful ones. Many individuals, families, and communities get hurt because of the complications of not having communication about what is right and wrong. When there is no trust in a family there is no hope for building. Being suspicious of our partner takes away the energy for living a healthy life. Now what is really going on with our men and women, who always fear the other one would cheat?
It is no rumor anymore that a number of men in Iran are having affairs with several women at the same time, while having a public family life to cover things up. We hear stories here and there while many of those women have started to talk. The question is who are these women and how they get involved with married men? These are usually women who seek financial support and also emotional connection which they can not find else where. These men use women as sex slaves, as an extra resource while they have quite harsh, rigid, and hard standards for their own daughters: “no dating boys.” So if a man cheats he would then be suspicious to all women. The issue of infidelity need also a big space to analyze, why we just point out that this is a social issue based on low morals and low family values. When thinking about the notion of distrust among some men and also women, I came to think about all those women who stay in their relationships despite many obstacles, struggles and hardship. Most of these women try to work things out, even though they know their marriage is an ill fated one.
Lies and deception are always signs of low moral, lack of respect for others, and anxiety. With lying to someone we just increase disappointments in our relationship. Lying is an unhealthy defence mechanism that we use to save ourselves in a situation. If our relationship is in trouble we better take care of it and solve the issue whether the outcome is not what we want.
Once we jump from one relationship to another in order to rescue our low self-esteem, then we are in danger of not emotionally invest in any relationship at all. If some men are more suspicious of their wives than others, it must be pertinent to the upbringing of these men and also the type of unhealthy relationship they have gotten into. In a man oriented and men controlled society as our home country, it is no strange thing that men are suspicious of their wives, these men know how other men like themselves behave and think! A client once said that her husband always reminds her: “I know how Iranian men think.”
In any case, having suspicious thoughts are unhealthy. These thoughts lead the person to unwanted anxiety, stress, anger, distraction, mental health issues and unhappy moments. What can these men and women do? They should seek help, talk about the issue, and deal with the thought in a healthy way.
If your wife/husband/ woman/man/boyfriend or girlfriend is dishonest, there is a reason for that. Either leave or stay while dealing with the issue in a healthy way. What do I mean with healthy way? I mean seek advice, discuss, talk, and think while controlling your emotions. Obviously trust is a huge building block for every relationship, if we do not trust the other person in our life, how could we live a life together?
Being suspicious to everything in life, that is a disease. If we constantly believe that other people would betray us, lie to us, or destroy us, then we are not living a very healthy life. If we do not trust others we can not have a normal interaction with others and we can not live a social life. If we always think that our partner will cheat on us, then we can not be self-confident and happy. I believe both men and women can suffer from this disease, the illness of being doubtful of everything and anything. If we want to learn more about the notion of trust vs. distrust, we have to check into many other areas of psychology such as personality development and developmental stages. The socio-economic and also socio-cultural factors are also important aspects of developing this illness in our men and women.
For now, we should say: Do not get involve in the cycle of suspicious thoughts and unhealthy behaviours. Seek help!
January 4, 2008
www.middlepeace.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)